New Year's Reflection

My 2016 highlights!!

-Completed my first year teaching at Del Lago and started my FOURTH year of teaching. Can you believe it?! I certainly can't
-Was the musical director for our first musical ever
-Got my hair professionally dyed for the first time
-Got an endoscopy
-Went to the new Harry Potter world twice and went to Disneyland 3 times
-Went to Florida with Darius for his first rotation for med school
-A student complimented me on my sweater and then said "but it has illuminati on the back" because my sweater had triangular designs (I rolled my eyes so hard)
-Found a new church and joined a growth group
-Read a lot of books. Here are some I recommend: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella, The Martian by Andy Weir
-GOT MARRIED!!!
-Traveled to Europe for our honeymoon! Italy specifically.  Venice, Florence, Rome and Sorrento even more specifically.

This year was full of so many great things the greatest by far was marrying my best friend.  But at the same time it was a really hard year for me.  The combination of wedding planning stress and working at a new school made my health take a turn.  I was battling chest pain, nausea, hives, overall muscle weakness, stomach pain and headaches for the greater part of the year.  After 2 emergency room visits and one ambulance call, my doctors concluded.....nothing.  Anxiety they said. Just relax they said.

In 2010-11, during my third and final year at UCI, there was a time when I kept bursting out in hives especially around my elbows and knees.  I remember vividly visiting the UCI medical center for what must have been the 4th or 5th time within 3 weeks.  I demanded that I see a doctor who could tell me what was wrong with me at once.  When I finally did see someone, their infuriating diagnosis was "You're FIIIINE. Sometimes people just have hives!"  I was pissed and proceeded to have a very public, sobbing fit right there in the waiting room.  In an immediate response to my tantrum, the panicked receptionist recommended that I schedule an appointment with the school's dermatologist.  When I said "sure why not" she told me that the next available appointment was "two weeks from now." I looked at her with a mad and tearstained face and said "by then I could be dead but sure. Schedule it."

Of course I did not die, but I was definitely still popping allergy medication because my hives had not gone away.  It was totally worth the wait because this doctor was one of the greatest I've seen.  She explained to me that my body is like a cup of water; when you throw a pebble in it nothing happens. But if you threw a bunch of pebbles in it, the water will eventually overflow.  Rehearsals, classes, exams, poor sleep schedule, field work were some examples of my pebbles during that time of my life.  The hives was my overflowing cup.  She told me to take 2 Zyrtecs everyday for 2 weeks.  No alcohol allowed since Zyrtec should technically only be taken once a day because of its liver wrecking properties.  This would help rebalance my body and re-stabilize that cup of water. It worked! And more importantly, I left feeling reassured that I was not going to have to live with hives for the rest of my life.

What was my purpose of telling this embarrassing story? Well after that incident, I took some serious measures in ensuring I was practicing self care. For example, I had deemed Friday nights and Saturday off limits for stressful things like studying or work.  I told myself over and over again that self care is more important and that those things can wait. I had been pretty good about it until this past year.  Now not only are the hives back (admittedly much less in quantity and frequency) but also a plethora of other health issues came along with it.  There was a time this year when I was afraid to leave my house or to even drive my car because I was anxious about getting anxious!  I did not want to take antidepressant medication becuase I was curious and determined to see if I could fight this thing I had gotten myself into without it.  It has now been a 7 month fight and I'm improving.  I haven't thought of my 2017 motto yet but it's going to be something about self care.
  

Things I've learned in 2016:

- Improvement does not happen in a straight line. It is jagged but goes in an upward direction.
- It's important to talk about taboo things like anxiety and depression.  It is healing and therapeutic to know that you are not the only person fighting these battles.  I've learned that psychiatric disorders can manifest itself through physical symptoms.  They're also really common and a lot of people experience it sometime in their lives.


2017 Resolutions:
-Pick up a new hobby (specifically water color and hand lettering)
-Read 1Q84. For those who don't know, it's a monster of a book. I've had this book sitting here for a while now and have been waiting for the right moment to actually read it.  I think this is the year....