I got a tumblr errrbodyyyy!!!!
It's sad to see off my blogger but i'll visit it on occasion. I've finally converted to tumblr after effective persuasion from none other than miss. adrienne nguyen. But it makes sense...elementary, middle and some of high school memories are stored away for public access on my dinosaur aged xanga account. There I was a child; the naive and innocent little ella phant. Right before I entered college I tested this new blogging world here at blogger and grew into an older and hopefully more mature lady. Now that I have left college, it only seems right that I explore a different unfamiliar online territory. I guess this is kind of a parallel symbolism of my life: drastic changes, the unknown.
Anyways, I'm excited for my new tumblr. I have named it Miss. Phant to reflect my "hopes of being a teacher" status. Not quite a mrs. yet but not just ella either.
http://ellaphant84.tumblr.com/
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
More Anticipation
Mood: LAAAAZY
Things I've been doing lately:
*Not being in school
*Waking up at 6 to go to work
*Practicing latte art
*Taking notes from youtube videos about coffee art
*Finally flipping open the new GRE book I bought weeks ago only to get distracted by my undecorated nails.
*Painting each of my nails a different color
*Napping for three hours at a time
*Printing out bingo cards for my students
*ANXIOUSLY anticipating results from my Teach For America phone interview
*Wondering if I even need to take the GRE's (only if TFA doesn't accept me)
*Debating whether or not I should take a huge gamble, and NOT study for GRE's and await my possible demise when I discover I did not get into TFA and that I actually do need to take all those useless standardized tests
*Removing the double pillow cases from my new feather pillow and contemplating whether or not I should keep the plastic wrap on inside of it.
*Sit on my ass and remain useless to all humanity except to Kevin, Angela, Dave and Dry Cap Lady who come in for their morning coffee and thank me when they leave. (just kidding, we get a lot more regulars and customers than that)
*Lie in bed and play "should I get up and take a jog?"
*Let the world win and not go on a jog
*Tell myself to make something to eat only to arrive in front of the fridge with no appetite.
*Go downstairs, eat a grape and fall asleep on the couch while reading Harry Potter
*Driving to Vons and taking in all the new holiday decorations
*Watching Scrubs while lying down sideways on my bed.
.....
What am i doing with my life ):
Things I've been doing lately:
*Not being in school
*Waking up at 6 to go to work
*Practicing latte art
*Taking notes from youtube videos about coffee art
*Finally flipping open the new GRE book I bought weeks ago only to get distracted by my undecorated nails.
*Painting each of my nails a different color
*Napping for three hours at a time
*Printing out bingo cards for my students
*ANXIOUSLY anticipating results from my Teach For America phone interview
*Wondering if I even need to take the GRE's (only if TFA doesn't accept me)
*Debating whether or not I should take a huge gamble, and NOT study for GRE's and await my possible demise when I discover I did not get into TFA and that I actually do need to take all those useless standardized tests
*Removing the double pillow cases from my new feather pillow and contemplating whether or not I should keep the plastic wrap on inside of it.
*Sit on my ass and remain useless to all humanity except to Kevin, Angela, Dave and Dry Cap Lady who come in for their morning coffee and thank me when they leave. (just kidding, we get a lot more regulars and customers than that)
*Lie in bed and play "should I get up and take a jog?"
*Let the world win and not go on a jog
*Tell myself to make something to eat only to arrive in front of the fridge with no appetite.
*Go downstairs, eat a grape and fall asleep on the couch while reading Harry Potter
*Driving to Vons and taking in all the new holiday decorations
*Watching Scrubs while lying down sideways on my bed.
.....
What am i doing with my life ):
Friday, September 23, 2011
On Jail
It is my second week teaching at Grace Christian After school program. I teach students between first and third grade. Occasionally a forth or fifth grader joins in.
Today in class we were discussion about SB48. Before we discussed the proposition, I talked a little about America and its "everyone's right to a fair trial" deal. We got onto the subject of jail. An average devo time goes like this:
J: what if we ACCIDENTALLY kill someone?
S: EW, C CUT THE CHEESE.
C: hehehe
J: what if we....MISS VICKY, A IS TAKING HIS SOCKS OFF AGAIN. HES PUTTING HIS FEET ON MY CHAIR
A: (:
Me: sighh
Today in class we were discussion about SB48. Before we discussed the proposition, I talked a little about America and its "everyone's right to a fair trial" deal. We got onto the subject of jail. An average devo time goes like this:
J: what if we ACCIDENTALLY kill someone?
S: EW, C CUT THE CHEESE.
C: hehehe
J: what if we....MISS VICKY, A IS TAKING HIS SOCKS OFF AGAIN. HES PUTTING HIS FEET ON MY CHAIR
A: (:
Me: sighh
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Dance a Little
(:
I am a barista.
I am a teacher.
God is good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEPTlhBmwRg&ob=av3e
Ooo woo ooo ooo ooo oo o ooo oooooo o oooo! slowly as the beats moved faster my leg began to twitch. Blood and adrenaline is rushing to my fingers and toes. My leg twitches faster and suddenly my arms swing up accordingly to the music! I get up and hop once. Yes! ! hop again and again and again and again. My hips swivel to the left and then to the right. Some kind of complicated movement is happening between my hands and my legs. I am wearing no pants! This is so much fun! Pranceing around and throwing my arms up and my head back. I whip out a grin. I scrunch up my eyebrows and my nose. I open my mouth wide and lip synch the wrong words. Everything is brilliant and I am having so much fun!!!...
Dad: "STOP JUMPING AROUND...YOU JUST ATE. YOUR STOMACH'S GOING TO EXPLODE"
embarrassment forever into eternity.
I am a barista.
I am a teacher.
God is good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEPTlhBmwRg&ob=av3e
Ooo woo ooo ooo ooo oo o ooo oooooo o oooo! slowly as the beats moved faster my leg began to twitch. Blood and adrenaline is rushing to my fingers and toes. My leg twitches faster and suddenly my arms swing up accordingly to the music! I get up and hop once. Yes! ! hop again and again and again and again. My hips swivel to the left and then to the right. Some kind of complicated movement is happening between my hands and my legs. I am wearing no pants! This is so much fun! Pranceing around and throwing my arms up and my head back. I whip out a grin. I scrunch up my eyebrows and my nose. I open my mouth wide and lip synch the wrong words. Everything is brilliant and I am having so much fun!!!...
Dad: "STOP JUMPING AROUND...YOU JUST ATE. YOUR STOMACH'S GOING TO EXPLODE"
embarrassment forever into eternity.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Indulgences
Ahhhhh summer time. The best thing about summer is walking out of an air-conditioned restaurant after a happy dinner and meeting the warm nighttime air. (:
This summer, I feel as if there's a million and one things to think about. What am i going to do next year? How will i see places and explore the unknown? Am i going to survive this summer? Will i be able to survive The Application Process.
Lately I've been applying blindly to jobs on craigslist and zotlinks. Whenever i actually received a reply back from a company, i would think to myself "what was i thinking? i don't have time for a job right now!" And then i'd chicken out and ignore the e-mail. I know I know. That is BAD! I must stop.
Three days ago, my uncle had a housewarming. I arrived with my parents, aunt, uncle, cousin and grandparents all of us ready to evaluate the supposedly new and improved house. My dad scrutinized the flooring and the paint jobs while innocently asking how much "this all cost." When my uncle replied my dad would instantly brag that he could have gotten it cheaper: "one dollar one square feet!" he would say. I think this his way of dealing with jealousy of such a spectacularly renovated house. I was certainly jealous. Almost exactly 24 hours prior this this little gathering, my cousin and i were discussing the things we wouldn't mind splurging on when we're rich and famous. I lost no time telling her that i want a pretty house. And she lost no time telling me that she could care less about her house but her car better be sexayyy.
Anyways, recent Things everyone must try out:
-plain tart yogurt (Milk and Honey has the yummiest! but Yogurtland will also do. mmmm...)
-Castle (the TV show....absolutely the best. and after the finale of season three, absolutely the most heart wrenching and soul ripping. Can't WAIT for season four!!)
-Sparkly sandals (i keep telling myself, the only way to get rid of that nasty rainbows tan is to purchase a new pair of sandals)
This summer, I feel as if there's a million and one things to think about. What am i going to do next year? How will i see places and explore the unknown? Am i going to survive this summer? Will i be able to survive The Application Process.
Lately I've been applying blindly to jobs on craigslist and zotlinks. Whenever i actually received a reply back from a company, i would think to myself "what was i thinking? i don't have time for a job right now!" And then i'd chicken out and ignore the e-mail. I know I know. That is BAD! I must stop.
Three days ago, my uncle had a housewarming. I arrived with my parents, aunt, uncle, cousin and grandparents all of us ready to evaluate the supposedly new and improved house. My dad scrutinized the flooring and the paint jobs while innocently asking how much "this all cost." When my uncle replied my dad would instantly brag that he could have gotten it cheaper: "one dollar one square feet!" he would say. I think this his way of dealing with jealousy of such a spectacularly renovated house. I was certainly jealous. Almost exactly 24 hours prior this this little gathering, my cousin and i were discussing the things we wouldn't mind splurging on when we're rich and famous. I lost no time telling her that i want a pretty house. And she lost no time telling me that she could care less about her house but her car better be sexayyy.
Anyways, recent Things everyone must try out:
-plain tart yogurt (Milk and Honey has the yummiest! but Yogurtland will also do. mmmm...)
-Castle (the TV show....absolutely the best. and after the finale of season three, absolutely the most heart wrenching and soul ripping. Can't WAIT for season four!!)
-Sparkly sandals (i keep telling myself, the only way to get rid of that nasty rainbows tan is to purchase a new pair of sandals)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Relief
Mood: Good
This is the first time in a long time that I've had true alone time. It was nice at first. My roommate and good friend was off in Davis doing their band thing, another friend was in norcal as well, a bunch of acapella friends were in D.C. for some choir thing, Darius couldn't come down because of a volunteering event, and wellp, that about all the people I hang out with on the weekends.
I spent my Friday night meandering around the Spectrum. I bought myself a nice strawberry pastry from the little French patisserie I love so much and sipped water contained in a clear cup. Under the shade on a bench I read Harry Potter on my kindle and enjoyed the scene of children, senior citizens, pets and lovers walk by. Later when it started getting dark I bought myself take-out pizza from CPK with a gift card and then went home to watch south park.
Saturday i woke up early to stoll around the farmers market. I bought a bag of oranges, three avacados and kettle corn. i did my usual Saturday stuff and by the time dinner rolled around i was feeling lonely. Out of nowhere Scotty texts and asks when we should have dinner! My friends here to save me from wallowing in misery (: It turned out Sara Wang was in the neighborhood too and we had a nice dinner and talked like old times.
Today I did lots of homework and browsed around shops in Costa Mesa. I had dinner again with old friends (Sara, Monica and Emy). While we were standing in line for 85 degrees bread, I laughed to the point my stomach hurt and I couldn't breathe. This is the first time in a while that i laughed to the point of pain. It felt good. Only these girls could do that to me so easily.
I'm glad to know I have friends out there who unknowingly bring me out of loneliness. I'm glad that i actually want to be with them. The most amazing thing about them is that even though i may not have seen them in a while, like Sara, i don't feel awkward and we still have things to talk about. I just have to say....I'm pretty darn lucky.
This is the first time in a long time that I've had true alone time. It was nice at first. My roommate and good friend was off in Davis doing their band thing, another friend was in norcal as well, a bunch of acapella friends were in D.C. for some choir thing, Darius couldn't come down because of a volunteering event, and wellp, that about all the people I hang out with on the weekends.
I spent my Friday night meandering around the Spectrum. I bought myself a nice strawberry pastry from the little French patisserie I love so much and sipped water contained in a clear cup. Under the shade on a bench I read Harry Potter on my kindle and enjoyed the scene of children, senior citizens, pets and lovers walk by. Later when it started getting dark I bought myself take-out pizza from CPK with a gift card and then went home to watch south park.
Saturday i woke up early to stoll around the farmers market. I bought a bag of oranges, three avacados and kettle corn. i did my usual Saturday stuff and by the time dinner rolled around i was feeling lonely. Out of nowhere Scotty texts and asks when we should have dinner! My friends here to save me from wallowing in misery (: It turned out Sara Wang was in the neighborhood too and we had a nice dinner and talked like old times.
Today I did lots of homework and browsed around shops in Costa Mesa. I had dinner again with old friends (Sara, Monica and Emy). While we were standing in line for 85 degrees bread, I laughed to the point my stomach hurt and I couldn't breathe. This is the first time in a while that i laughed to the point of pain. It felt good. Only these girls could do that to me so easily.
I'm glad to know I have friends out there who unknowingly bring me out of loneliness. I'm glad that i actually want to be with them. The most amazing thing about them is that even though i may not have seen them in a while, like Sara, i don't feel awkward and we still have things to talk about. I just have to say....I'm pretty darn lucky.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
First Impressions
Mood: nice
Word: Diabolical
Today in writing class, our teacher divided us into the groups we'd be working with for our final project. Our assignment for the day was to talk to the members in the group and write our professor an e-mail telling him about our first impressions on each of our new friends. Since our professor has a crude sense of humor, I was not afraid to be honest. Here's the e-mail I wrote him:
Word: Diabolical
Today in writing class, our teacher divided us into the groups we'd be working with for our final project. Our assignment for the day was to talk to the members in the group and write our professor an e-mail telling him about our first impressions on each of our new friends. Since our professor has a crude sense of humor, I was not afraid to be honest. Here's the e-mail I wrote him:
Professor Daly,
I met four new people today whom I would not have met otherwise if you had
not divided us into groups and forced us to introduce ourselves to each
other. I will give my first impression of each person in the order we
each introduced ourselves beginning first with me:
Victoria Lieu: Victoria is a third year math major who plans to graduate
this year. She offered that everyone could call her Vicky. Victoria
mentioned that she, like Aaron is also in an a capella (a co-ed one).
After she finished introducing herself, she posed the following question
to the rest of her group: "If you could have any super hero power what
would it be (and why)?" Throughout the rest of the class period, Victoria
probably talked the most, never ceasing. She is very obnoxious.
Aaron: Aaron is a third year chemistry major. He is in an all male a
capella and likes all things musical. He also enjoys sports such as
basketball and baseball. If he could have any super power, it would be
super speed. Whenever our group talked about something, Aaron liked to
stray back to the subject of music or a capella. My first impression of
Aaron is that he's very "deep" and by that I mean he's probably usually
deeply engrossed with his passion for music. I bet Aaron frequently
ponders the meaning of life.
Harrison: Harrison is a fourth year math major and has wild hair covering
his whole face. He reminds me of Jesus, the son of God. I've seen him in
many of my math classes before and after talking to him today, I am
surprised to discover that his personality is not awkward like his
appearance. He told us that he would like it if he had the ability to
shoot lasers from his eyes and when I asked him what he would do with that
power, he said that he would probably find some way to make money off of
it. From this I gather that Harrison is either a business man, or evil
(which contradicts his Jesus-like beard). I found it funny that his eyes
are about all anyone could see of his face. The rest is obscured by hair.
I have already decided that Harrison is cool and that he's probably one
of those people who think I'm crazy. He's probably also one of those
people who mistake enthusiastic for crazy.
Kyle: Kyle is a fifth year Earth science major. He cannot wait to "get
the f*** out of this place" (his words not mine). He likes to play what I
call "rock band instruments" for example: guitar, bass and drums. When
Kyle talks, it is sometimes difficult to hear. Although Kyle's physical
appearance seems a bit rough around the edges, I feel like he has some
kind of big cute secret, like he owns eight cats or likes to garden. When
it comes to super hero powers, Kyle is torn between choosing invisibility
and flying. Kyle might be an indecisive kind of guy. I think
invisibility suits him more because he seems shy.
Candice: Candice is a fourth year Chemistry major. She would also like
super speed as her super power. Candice was very keen on sharing her love
for T.V. shows and movies. When I asked her what her favorite T.V. show
and movie was, she revealed that she loves action movies and thus loves
"The Mummy". She was more reluctant to share her favorite T.V show for
fear of embarrassment. However we later connected over a heated
discussion on the recent happenings on the show "Gossip Girl". I
immediately liked Candice after she shared about how much she liked T.V
and movies. I think that Candice is "shopping buddy" and "girl's night
out" material and I feel like if we got to know each other better, we
could be really good friends.
These are just my first impressions on the members of my group. I hope to
be able to get to know them more and see how my impression of them changes
or stays the same.
~Victoria Lieu
UCI-2PM technical writing
Friday, April 8, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Petit Gateau
Mood: hungry
Lately I've been nursing a little obsession for French things. What started as a weeny craving for a macaron has now become a full-fledged addiction. I cannot stop thinking about those adorable soft almond "cookies" (a french person would shoot me if they heard me calling a macaron a cookie), warm, flaky and buttery croissants, deep rich coffee, romantic films and luxurious high fashion.
I thought this phase would end but its been ongoing since fall of last year. I want to do nothing more than to read a good book in a cute little french shop sipping coffee that has not been burnt and eating mini treats served on a white square plate.
):
Lately I've been nursing a little obsession for French things. What started as a weeny craving for a macaron has now become a full-fledged addiction. I cannot stop thinking about those adorable soft almond "cookies" (a french person would shoot me if they heard me calling a macaron a cookie), warm, flaky and buttery croissants, deep rich coffee, romantic films and luxurious high fashion.
I thought this phase would end but its been ongoing since fall of last year. I want to do nothing more than to read a good book in a cute little french shop sipping coffee that has not been burnt and eating mini treats served on a white square plate.
):
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Busted
About a month ago, Chris added me as a friend on facebook. Consequently I've been getting facebook notices demanding that i accept "cityville" requests. I use to ignore them like any other trivial request on facebook until during a tutoring session, Chris asked "do you play Cityville?" That same lesson he seized his five minute break and used it as an opportunity to show me the wonderful world of cityville. In those brief few minutes, i learned that in order to suceed and to move forth in the game of Cityville, the player must send requests to fellow friends on facebook and those friends must accept said requests. So therefore (concluded Chris) i must henceforth accept all his cityville requests as my duty of being his facebook friend.
Today Chris messaged me on facebook:
C: Hey Vicky
V: Hi Chris, Whats up?
C: Can you accept my request?
(a cityville request pops up seconds after)
V: Done
C: Thanks!
V: Playing cityville instead of studying math?!?!
C: I am doing my homework while playing.
V: hmm...well as long as you're being productive with your work.
C: yaaa
The things I do for this kid....
Today Chris messaged me on facebook:
C: Hey Vicky
V: Hi Chris, Whats up?
C: Can you accept my request?
(a cityville request pops up seconds after)
V: Done
C: Thanks!
V: Playing cityville instead of studying math?!?!
C: I am doing my homework while playing.
V: hmm...well as long as you're being productive with your work.
C: yaaa
The things I do for this kid....
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Ahh
Cute mother moment and a convo that basically summed up what happened today...turns out it really wasn't my fault Chris currently has an F! :
8L (11:25:03 PM): test
8L (11:25:04 PM): test
8L (11:25:28 PM): Test my computer for AIM
8L (11:25:39 PM): Hello
8L (11:27:25 PM): Vicky
84 (11:34:07 PM): hallo
8L (11:34:19 PM): yes
8L (11:34:28 PM): I am testing my AIM
84 (11:34:33 PM): hahha ok
8L (11:34:42 PM): I hear your sound
8L (11:34:56 PM): But I don't hear my sound
84 (11:35:13 PM): sound?
8L (11:35:32 PM): My computer did not have sound
84 (11:35:48 PM): oh its in your preferences
84 (11:35:52 PM): you can change the settings
8L (11:36:25 PM): It has sound in latop but not my big computer
84 (11:36:33 PM): oh i don tknow
84 (11:36:38 PM): try looking at your settings
84 (11:36:41 PM): "edit"
84 (11:36:44 PM): "settings"
84 (11:36:46 PM): "sound"
84 (11:36:49 PM): and check what you have
8L (11:37:57 PM): I know what is the problem. I need to change a good speaker
8L (11:38:17 PM): Don't worry
8L (11:38:27 PM): It is my new computer problem
8L (11:38:57 PM): Remember update your staff to USB hard drive. When you get to my problem, you will be so upset
84 (11:39:07 PM): ok
8L (11:39:22 PM): How was your beginning of quater
84 (11:39:33 PM): hmmm
84 (11:39:34 PM): its ok
84 (11:39:38 PM): i found out
84 (11:39:39 PM): today
84 (11:39:45 PM): that the student i tutor
84 (11:39:47 PM): Chris
84 (11:40:00 PM): he got an F because he lost 5 of his assignments
84 (11:40:04 PM): and didnt turn it in
84 (11:40:12 PM): 
8L (11:40:22 PM): So, it is not your fault
84 (11:40:28 PM): nope
84 (11:40:35 PM): he did badly on one test also though
84 (11:40:43 PM): and it was stuff he learned when i was on spring break
8L (11:40:54 PM): So, what did his parent say
84 (11:41:08 PM): And the F is not his semester grade, it is just his current grade in the class
84 (11:41:14 PM): nothing i didnt see his parents today
8L (11:41:40 PM): So, how did he make up
8L (11:41:54 PM): You need to let his parent know
84 (11:41:57 PM): well i told him he just has to be more responsible with his homework
84 (11:42:09 PM): they already know becuase they told him to send the email
8L (11:42:28 PM): And tell them it make your repitition bad too
84 (11:42:39 PM): its ok
84 (11:42:43 PM): i think chris will work harder
84 (11:42:44 PM): becuase
84 (11:42:48 PM): if he doesnt get at least a C
84 (11:42:55 PM): he doesnt get to go to disneyland at the end of the year
84 (11:42:59 PM): thats what he told me
84 (11:43:10 PM): so i told him that he should try to get better than a C
8L (11:43:31 PM): NO, it is not ok for your repition because you need to be a teacher
8L (11:43:53 PM): Ask her pareent to give you a recommendation letter
84 (11:44:13 PM): -.-
84 (11:44:17 PM): well
84 (11:44:26 PM): he didnt get an F in the class
84 (11:44:27 PM): so
84 (11:44:34 PM): righ tnow i have to try to bring up his grades
84 (11:44:47 PM): my making sure he does everything perfectly from now on
the convo slowing turned to nagging and such but i think we get the picture yea?
the convo slowing turned to nagging and such but i think we get the picture yea?
Moral Downer
Mood: dissapointed
I've been sitting here scribbling away at my Chinese flashcards and listening to Adele for the past hour when i suddenly surprised myself by opening up my blog page as if it were a ritual ingrained into my reflexes. College has thus far acted as a roadblock to the creative juices that spawn consistent blog posts and/or any sort of writing. It makes me sad. ): AND frustrated that all i have to do is just sit here, and write a little.
Anyways, although it seems as if my quarter is looking up, there have been some morality blows that have fazed me a tiny bit. I received a sad sad e-mail from the student i tutor:
Dear Vicky,
I am sending this email to you because of my problem in math. Last trimester I flunked it in math. My last packet wasnt due until the new trimester and i did really bad on it. The last two assignments were very good because i re-focused. My test however was a flunk again. My new trimester grade is an F.
I think we should study harder when you get back. When you are in D.C., i will try my best for the project to boost my grade up. Just to tell you of my condition in math.
A very sad student,
Chris :(
My student whom I tutor, received a failing grade in the subject i am suppose to be helping him do better in. I felt like 100% crap. A tiny bit of me wants to blame it all on Chris for not trying hard enough and for not being able to cope for a week when I wasn't there but the rest of me knows that I'm probably doing something wrong.
From now on, i resolve to bring his grade up to an A and nothing lower by the end of the school year. I want to do everything in my power for the sake of his grades, his parents approval and my own teacher sanity. No more excuses, no more going to his house tired and worn down from classes (since my quarter SHOULD be easy), no more bullshit. It's time to get serious.
I've been sitting here scribbling away at my Chinese flashcards and listening to Adele for the past hour when i suddenly surprised myself by opening up my blog page as if it were a ritual ingrained into my reflexes. College has thus far acted as a roadblock to the creative juices that spawn consistent blog posts and/or any sort of writing. It makes me sad. ): AND frustrated that all i have to do is just sit here, and write a little.
Anyways, although it seems as if my quarter is looking up, there have been some morality blows that have fazed me a tiny bit. I received a sad sad e-mail from the student i tutor:
Dear Vicky,
I am sending this email to you because of my problem in math. Last trimester I flunked it in math. My last packet wasnt due until the new trimester and i did really bad on it. The last two assignments were very good because i re-focused. My test however was a flunk again. My new trimester grade is an F.
I think we should study harder when you get back. When you are in D.C., i will try my best for the project to boost my grade up. Just to tell you of my condition in math.
A very sad student,
Chris :(
My student whom I tutor, received a failing grade in the subject i am suppose to be helping him do better in. I felt like 100% crap. A tiny bit of me wants to blame it all on Chris for not trying hard enough and for not being able to cope for a week when I wasn't there but the rest of me knows that I'm probably doing something wrong.
From now on, i resolve to bring his grade up to an A and nothing lower by the end of the school year. I want to do everything in my power for the sake of his grades, his parents approval and my own teacher sanity. No more excuses, no more going to his house tired and worn down from classes (since my quarter SHOULD be easy), no more bullshit. It's time to get serious.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Stranger
It's that time again when i bust out that xanga and read all the embarrassing posts of my teenage past. The more time there is between now and that post makes the me in those posts more a stranger.
This girl was so optimistic all the time. I can't stand her. She talks about God like she would trust Him with her life. Good things happened to her and she reported that it was because of the goodness of God. Her posts are all so encourageing and she loved everything and everyone. Little things made her happy. Writing a blog was an easy task, not a nuisance or a challenge.
I wish i could be her again.
This girl was so optimistic all the time. I can't stand her. She talks about God like she would trust Him with her life. Good things happened to her and she reported that it was because of the goodness of God. Her posts are all so encourageing and she loved everything and everyone. Little things made her happy. Writing a blog was an easy task, not a nuisance or a challenge.
I wish i could be her again.
The Big Picture
Today i received an e-mail from my dad about the earthquake in japan. I had already heard the news the day before and my immediate reaction to it was to check to see if my dear old roommate Marika was alright. It turns out that she is quite shaken up and worried about her family but she is alright herself.
I was OK and went on with my life yesterday.
But today when i discovered just how bad the earth quake really was, i surprised myself by choking up a little. I'm not exactly sure if I'm the sentimental type. When Katrina or even Haiti happened, i did not shed a tear. Of course i felt stupid sitting at the student center reading the article my dad sent me on my net book but at the same time I dared anyone to point and laugh at me. Why am i particularly distraught about this earthquake? I have no idea.
Either we're all just lucky, or Japan is unlucky. Or maybe this has nothing to do with luck. At this moment, I'm a million times more grateful that everyone I know and love are alive and well.
I was OK and went on with my life yesterday.
But today when i discovered just how bad the earth quake really was, i surprised myself by choking up a little. I'm not exactly sure if I'm the sentimental type. When Katrina or even Haiti happened, i did not shed a tear. Of course i felt stupid sitting at the student center reading the article my dad sent me on my net book but at the same time I dared anyone to point and laugh at me. Why am i particularly distraught about this earthquake? I have no idea.
Either we're all just lucky, or Japan is unlucky. Or maybe this has nothing to do with luck. At this moment, I'm a million times more grateful that everyone I know and love are alive and well.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Just Another Day
mood: content
Life feels pretty good right now. (:
I can't help already daydreaming about the southern California beaches, glowing tans, sweet smelling sunscreen, ice cold beverages and smiles around that will surely come with summer. Only one week and one quarter left!
I think i got fatter this quarter as a result of throwing away too much money purchasing unfreakingbelieveably delicious macarons, coffee bean red velvet hot chocolate runs, endless baking fun with my roommate, and frequent dinner dates with Darius. There's nothing like sweet treat paired with a good cup of tea to wash away the day's toxins. Hey, who said being fat has to be a bad thing?
Even though i drowned myself with 20 units, it feels good to always be busy. But even so, the anticipation of freedom and fun is killing me...lets just get finals over with please!
peace and love everyone!!
Life feels pretty good right now. (:
I can't help already daydreaming about the southern California beaches, glowing tans, sweet smelling sunscreen, ice cold beverages and smiles around that will surely come with summer. Only one week and one quarter left!
I think i got fatter this quarter as a result of throwing away too much money purchasing unfreakingbelieveably delicious macarons, coffee bean red velvet hot chocolate runs, endless baking fun with my roommate, and frequent dinner dates with Darius. There's nothing like sweet treat paired with a good cup of tea to wash away the day's toxins. Hey, who said being fat has to be a bad thing?
Even though i drowned myself with 20 units, it feels good to always be busy. But even so, the anticipation of freedom and fun is killing me...lets just get finals over with please!
peace and love everyone!!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
(belated) New Year's Blog
I think it's about time that i write my "new year's blog."
Up until this point, and maybe even now still, I've been dreading facing my blog. The things I'd talk about or the things I'd unleash, how could i share something that's a part of me through such measly words? But, I've come to a conclusion that the past is there to reflect on. I have nothing planned for this post and know not of what I'm about to post but here it is.....a summary of the things that pop into my head that amount to my year 2010.
For the first quarter of the year, my body collapsed and shut down every moment it was susceptible dirt. I was a wreck physically and the fact that i was so weak and flimsy frustrated me greatly. Every so often i would have a fever of 100 degrees that was enough to make me achey and nauseous but not enough for the doctors to validate it as anything serious. "Oh just rest and drink plenty of fluids" they would say.
Moving on into the year, my mother and i took a trip to the central states where our ultimate destination was Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. We passed by a total of 9 states. It was so beautiful, i felt like i was ready to be swept away by nature and die a serene death. Passing over the morbidity, i finally, for the first time, got a taste of the scenery i long dreamed of and then some. It was so much better than what i expected. My favorite state was Colorado. I always had a weird fascination with Colorado. I knew that the Rocky Mountains sliced through Colorado and the image of those vast snow covered mountains were always a figment of imagination to me. Weirdly enough, my obsession with mountains stemmed from watching the vulgar cartoon South Park. When Cartman, Kyle, Kenny and Stan played basketball the background was always mountains and i always wanted to go there. Something i didn't expect to see was grass. Lots and LOTS of grass. We passed by the grassland state and went to Yellowstone in Wyoming and Montana. It was an unforgettable experience and one that i hope to repeat.
Over the summer i attended summer school at mesa college. I took world history and philosophy. History was incredibly boring and philosophy surprisingly challenged a lot of my beliefs in a way i didn't know possible. While sitting in the subzero classroom, i went through a journey of ideas from Descartes and Locke and Aristotle...At one point my existence vanished altogether. But thankfully i was brought back down to earth when i realized, i have so many other things, better things, to think about, like: the way i was going to organize my future kitchen, or imagining how cold it would be if i were naked in the snow, or thinking of all the ways i could go back to Colorado, or making plans to visit the Saguaro national park again, or what's for dinner, or placing my head on that perfect spot in between Darius's neck and chest. Some people care about their existence, but me? I'd rather fill my brain with other things.
As summer progressed, my grandma entered and exited a knee replacement surgery. Her relentless arthritis, had debilitated her knee to the point where she was crippled and in pain for every step she took. It was about time this surgery took place. During the surgery, my dad and my aunt (dad's sister) rotated watch over my grandma. This was necessary for my grandma's morale as well as her language barrier with the doctors. But when grandma entered into rehab the weekend was up and it was down to me to stay with her 24/7. I loved every moment of it. Family members all around praised me for being such an obedient granddaughter when in reality, it was one of the best experiences of my life. Whenever i wasn't strolling around the peaceful halls, or walking with my grandma to strengthen her knee, or translating the words of the physical therapist, or reading harry potter under the bright sunlit room, i was listening to my grandma talk endlessly about her younger days. She made me laugh and cry (internally) and want to shout out in anger. There were stories ranging from when she was a little girl her mother was the rock in her life, to how she met my grandfather, to my dad's big fat head and his absurd duck feet. Without going into much detail, i discovered a whole new perspective on my family. They didn't just come into being. There is an actual story that led to another story that led to another story... Each and everyone of them was a catalyst that led to where we are all today. How amazing is that?
One night during my stay, i was awoken on my little bed by a terrible cry. My grandma was yelling out something incoherent and she wouldn't stop thrashing. I sprang out of my bed to calm her and a few seconds after i told her everything/everyone was ok she fell right back to sleep. I was thoroughly shaken. In that moment i was afraid. All the things i had ever been scared of, my worst fears flashed through my mind.
There is no death in the rehab center. There is only hope. I couldn't help but compare it to the hospice where i similarly spent many nights. The difference between the hospice and the rehab center, is the vibe and the people. In the rehab center, the patients are recovering. Physical therapists are everywhere, the sheets are full of excretions and flowers with cards wishing good things hang loosely along the walls. The nurses are smiling and wishing the patients a speedy recovery. In the hospice, people are dying and there is no chance of recovery. That is why they were sent there, that's why they are there. The stale stench of pee and flowers likewise hangs in the air and the nurses are still smiling. But they are not hoping for recovery. They don't want to spread false hope and the last thing they want to do is to get attached.
I woke up to a cry similar to my grandma's in the hospice. It was my mothers. I laid there with my eyes closed knowing what had happened, too scared to stir. When i dared crack open my eyelid, a nurse brought me out of my bed and lead me to a dreadful scene. My mother's head was on the bed and my dad had a look on his face that was inhumane. There was a stark feeling of hopelessness that lingered in the air. I stood there, my face scrunched up in content. I observed as my mom became suddenly obsessed with whether or not his tongue would stay hanging out of his head. I stared when my dad bowed over in grief. I watched my brothers face, not move within an inch of his life.
Occasionally I live in fear, fear of death, fear of life. I'm afraid to live because of death and i'm afraid of death because it is the brutal physical and mental punishment God placed on human beings for our needless to say, sins. Sometimes i loose faith in love, friendship, laughter and life lived to its fullest. Many times, i bully my parents for eating unhealthily and practicing unhealthy habits. I would give myself and Darius a hard time about my ongoing resentment of somehow feeling trapped. I think it's been a while since i've laughed so hard like i use to do so easily and carefree. On rare occasions i feel like I'm living an empty life hollow and miserable.
School started and things were getting exciting. A few noteworthy things include: Auditioning new people into Vermillion, Calteach, tutoring Chris, more visits from Darius, roommate dates, an even better friendship with people in particularly Rachel a friend who is more than my "math friend" (even if that's what i always refer to her as), new friendships like Victoria, old friendships like Tim, Stephanie, Jinwan, Max and Scoot, a better appreciation for the arts, a newer outlook on life.
Sometimes i felt like on top of the world, skipping across the UTC bridge imagining happy beaches or the crisp aftermath of rain. Other times i feel not so hot, like a failure and a nuisance. The year ended with Christmas card lane, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and hives.
I spent Christmas with my cousin and relatives in Burbank. My cousin and i did damage at the malls and talked about our lives and the future. We prepped for a massive party and i won a lava lamp from a white elephant game. After Christmas, my parents, grandma and i journeyed to Las Vegas for some slot machines, buffets and unfamiliar feather beds. I drove almost the whole time there and back. Usually i would sit in the backseat admiring the countless Joshua trees that would flash by us. But being in the driver seat gave me a whole new perspective. Who knew there was a road stretching out before us in a scene of vast mountains this whole time?
Throughout Christmas and New year's i was randomly breaking out in hives around my joints. For whatever reason, my body readily decided to reject SOMETHING of the external world. I felt plagued and miserable for every moment of it.
It is now 2011 and to this day i'm still struck with hives every so often. I've thought of a million different New Year's resolutions but only one resulted from the previous year. And here it is: To purposefully appreciate the blessings that are all around me.
1) Appreciate the boyfriend who is and always will be my other half, my rock and the love of my life. Everyday i am astounded by how lucky i was to be able to snag the right one on the first try (or maybe he did the snagging?). He makes me a better person, keeps me grounded and keeps me sane.
2) Appreciate the friends who make the effort to be my friends. The difference between a friend and a good friend, is that they won't give up on you no matter how stupid you are or how distant you may seem. They also ha...tend to get along with you. I'm grateful for those friends who listened to me ramble, who confided in me their fears, who didn't let me give up on a math problem and proceeded to encourage me, who made me feel like i was worth something, who reached out to me and went out of their way to have dinner with me, who said it was OK if i didn't want to drink, who cooked with me, laughed with me and cried with me, and above all, told me the truth even if it might have hurt.
3) Appreciate the family members who will always be family even if you wish they weren't. But my family is different because i have never wished for any of them to not be related to me.
4) Appreciate the parents who put up with me. I was going to put this in the same category as family members but i decided they need a separate category for themselves. They are me in a wiser, smarter, better form. The things they have been through never cease to amaze me.
5.) Appreciate the beautiful things that are always around me. The mountains, the beaches, the buildings, the deserts, the people, the art, the air, the music, the love.......
6.) Appreciate God for all these things He's given for me to appreciate.
Up until this point, and maybe even now still, I've been dreading facing my blog. The things I'd talk about or the things I'd unleash, how could i share something that's a part of me through such measly words? But, I've come to a conclusion that the past is there to reflect on. I have nothing planned for this post and know not of what I'm about to post but here it is.....a summary of the things that pop into my head that amount to my year 2010.
For the first quarter of the year, my body collapsed and shut down every moment it was susceptible dirt. I was a wreck physically and the fact that i was so weak and flimsy frustrated me greatly. Every so often i would have a fever of 100 degrees that was enough to make me achey and nauseous but not enough for the doctors to validate it as anything serious. "Oh just rest and drink plenty of fluids" they would say.
Moving on into the year, my mother and i took a trip to the central states where our ultimate destination was Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. We passed by a total of 9 states. It was so beautiful, i felt like i was ready to be swept away by nature and die a serene death. Passing over the morbidity, i finally, for the first time, got a taste of the scenery i long dreamed of and then some. It was so much better than what i expected. My favorite state was Colorado. I always had a weird fascination with Colorado. I knew that the Rocky Mountains sliced through Colorado and the image of those vast snow covered mountains were always a figment of imagination to me. Weirdly enough, my obsession with mountains stemmed from watching the vulgar cartoon South Park. When Cartman, Kyle, Kenny and Stan played basketball the background was always mountains and i always wanted to go there. Something i didn't expect to see was grass. Lots and LOTS of grass. We passed by the grassland state and went to Yellowstone in Wyoming and Montana. It was an unforgettable experience and one that i hope to repeat.
Over the summer i attended summer school at mesa college. I took world history and philosophy. History was incredibly boring and philosophy surprisingly challenged a lot of my beliefs in a way i didn't know possible. While sitting in the subzero classroom, i went through a journey of ideas from Descartes and Locke and Aristotle...At one point my existence vanished altogether. But thankfully i was brought back down to earth when i realized, i have so many other things, better things, to think about, like: the way i was going to organize my future kitchen, or imagining how cold it would be if i were naked in the snow, or thinking of all the ways i could go back to Colorado, or making plans to visit the Saguaro national park again, or what's for dinner, or placing my head on that perfect spot in between Darius's neck and chest. Some people care about their existence, but me? I'd rather fill my brain with other things.
As summer progressed, my grandma entered and exited a knee replacement surgery. Her relentless arthritis, had debilitated her knee to the point where she was crippled and in pain for every step she took. It was about time this surgery took place. During the surgery, my dad and my aunt (dad's sister) rotated watch over my grandma. This was necessary for my grandma's morale as well as her language barrier with the doctors. But when grandma entered into rehab the weekend was up and it was down to me to stay with her 24/7. I loved every moment of it. Family members all around praised me for being such an obedient granddaughter when in reality, it was one of the best experiences of my life. Whenever i wasn't strolling around the peaceful halls, or walking with my grandma to strengthen her knee, or translating the words of the physical therapist, or reading harry potter under the bright sunlit room, i was listening to my grandma talk endlessly about her younger days. She made me laugh and cry (internally) and want to shout out in anger. There were stories ranging from when she was a little girl her mother was the rock in her life, to how she met my grandfather, to my dad's big fat head and his absurd duck feet. Without going into much detail, i discovered a whole new perspective on my family. They didn't just come into being. There is an actual story that led to another story that led to another story... Each and everyone of them was a catalyst that led to where we are all today. How amazing is that?
One night during my stay, i was awoken on my little bed by a terrible cry. My grandma was yelling out something incoherent and she wouldn't stop thrashing. I sprang out of my bed to calm her and a few seconds after i told her everything/everyone was ok she fell right back to sleep. I was thoroughly shaken. In that moment i was afraid. All the things i had ever been scared of, my worst fears flashed through my mind.
There is no death in the rehab center. There is only hope. I couldn't help but compare it to the hospice where i similarly spent many nights. The difference between the hospice and the rehab center, is the vibe and the people. In the rehab center, the patients are recovering. Physical therapists are everywhere, the sheets are full of excretions and flowers with cards wishing good things hang loosely along the walls. The nurses are smiling and wishing the patients a speedy recovery. In the hospice, people are dying and there is no chance of recovery. That is why they were sent there, that's why they are there. The stale stench of pee and flowers likewise hangs in the air and the nurses are still smiling. But they are not hoping for recovery. They don't want to spread false hope and the last thing they want to do is to get attached.
I woke up to a cry similar to my grandma's in the hospice. It was my mothers. I laid there with my eyes closed knowing what had happened, too scared to stir. When i dared crack open my eyelid, a nurse brought me out of my bed and lead me to a dreadful scene. My mother's head was on the bed and my dad had a look on his face that was inhumane. There was a stark feeling of hopelessness that lingered in the air. I stood there, my face scrunched up in content. I observed as my mom became suddenly obsessed with whether or not his tongue would stay hanging out of his head. I stared when my dad bowed over in grief. I watched my brothers face, not move within an inch of his life.
Occasionally I live in fear, fear of death, fear of life. I'm afraid to live because of death and i'm afraid of death because it is the brutal physical and mental punishment God placed on human beings for our needless to say, sins. Sometimes i loose faith in love, friendship, laughter and life lived to its fullest. Many times, i bully my parents for eating unhealthily and practicing unhealthy habits. I would give myself and Darius a hard time about my ongoing resentment of somehow feeling trapped. I think it's been a while since i've laughed so hard like i use to do so easily and carefree. On rare occasions i feel like I'm living an empty life hollow and miserable.
School started and things were getting exciting. A few noteworthy things include: Auditioning new people into Vermillion, Calteach, tutoring Chris, more visits from Darius, roommate dates, an even better friendship with people in particularly Rachel a friend who is more than my "math friend" (even if that's what i always refer to her as), new friendships like Victoria, old friendships like Tim, Stephanie, Jinwan, Max and Scoot, a better appreciation for the arts, a newer outlook on life.
Sometimes i felt like on top of the world, skipping across the UTC bridge imagining happy beaches or the crisp aftermath of rain. Other times i feel not so hot, like a failure and a nuisance. The year ended with Christmas card lane, Los Angeles, Las Vegas and hives.
I spent Christmas with my cousin and relatives in Burbank. My cousin and i did damage at the malls and talked about our lives and the future. We prepped for a massive party and i won a lava lamp from a white elephant game. After Christmas, my parents, grandma and i journeyed to Las Vegas for some slot machines, buffets and unfamiliar feather beds. I drove almost the whole time there and back. Usually i would sit in the backseat admiring the countless Joshua trees that would flash by us. But being in the driver seat gave me a whole new perspective. Who knew there was a road stretching out before us in a scene of vast mountains this whole time?
Throughout Christmas and New year's i was randomly breaking out in hives around my joints. For whatever reason, my body readily decided to reject SOMETHING of the external world. I felt plagued and miserable for every moment of it.
It is now 2011 and to this day i'm still struck with hives every so often. I've thought of a million different New Year's resolutions but only one resulted from the previous year. And here it is: To purposefully appreciate the blessings that are all around me.
1) Appreciate the boyfriend who is and always will be my other half, my rock and the love of my life. Everyday i am astounded by how lucky i was to be able to snag the right one on the first try (or maybe he did the snagging?). He makes me a better person, keeps me grounded and keeps me sane.
2) Appreciate the friends who make the effort to be my friends. The difference between a friend and a good friend, is that they won't give up on you no matter how stupid you are or how distant you may seem. They also ha...tend to get along with you. I'm grateful for those friends who listened to me ramble, who confided in me their fears, who didn't let me give up on a math problem and proceeded to encourage me, who made me feel like i was worth something, who reached out to me and went out of their way to have dinner with me, who said it was OK if i didn't want to drink, who cooked with me, laughed with me and cried with me, and above all, told me the truth even if it might have hurt.
3) Appreciate the family members who will always be family even if you wish they weren't. But my family is different because i have never wished for any of them to not be related to me.
4) Appreciate the parents who put up with me. I was going to put this in the same category as family members but i decided they need a separate category for themselves. They are me in a wiser, smarter, better form. The things they have been through never cease to amaze me.
5.) Appreciate the beautiful things that are always around me. The mountains, the beaches, the buildings, the deserts, the people, the art, the air, the music, the love.......
6.) Appreciate God for all these things He's given for me to appreciate.
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