To be proud

Who wants to read a crappy essay?

UC Prompt #2:Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Auditions in any form were possibly more terrifying to me than anything else in the world. More specifically were the auditions for the San Diego Youth Symphony (SDYS) conservatories. The first of many to come took place on a sunny day. In contrast, I felt cold and clammy and on the verge of vomiting all over the concrete floor. I trembled outside the audition room, despite the fair weather as I waited for my name to be called from within. As a blooming cellist, my nerves shot up from the pressure of wanting to make a good impression. I realized the importance of doing well during the audition because it would affect the rest of the year in terms of where I sat in the conservatory. I only cared for what chair I was and not being singled out during rehearsals then. I played my instrument softly hoping that others would cover up for me. I was pleased as I moved up, sometimes dramatically, in where I sat each year, but that wasn’t the only thing I was pleased about and it also wasn’t what I was MOST pleased about.
Eventually, not only did I start playing louder, but I also matured mentally and musically. SDYS made me proud as a musician and as a team member. I discovered the importance of how an individual could significantly affect the group. We, not as individuals, but as a group, accomplished countless concerts and trips together. We went to Mexico and back delivering, on the way, a spectacular performance and creating a closer bond within the members with new inside jokes. We also stuck together and survived guest conductors who didn’t exactly know what they were doing. Even the weekly rehearsals were bearable in retrospect. Rehearsals were no longer a five hour drag. We had fun because we knew each other well, and at the same time we managed to keep the level of concentration on whatever we were working on that day. I developed a deeper appreciation for music and unity from seeing what could happen in a rehearsal.
My contribution to such an awesome conservatory makes me proud. Now six years after that first audition, I no longer feel cold and clammy before an audition. Occasional butterflies flutter past in my stomach, but the memory of just being able to be a part of such a family is enough to settle my nerves. 403 words

i couldnt even reach 500 words ):

On the Dreadful Question

can those who actually read my blog somehow give me their blog's name/site again? I've tried about 50 million combinations of what i thought the name of the blog was and only found dissapointment. gracias!

hah...i keep forgetting i have this site. sorry i havntbeen posting lately ):

and now for the real post:

Within the last week, i had been asked the dreadful question twice. Once was during english where we had to determine who in our group had the most siblings. Whoever DID have the most siblings was given the punishment of retrieving our literature books. The other time was during chem. I don't recall exactly what led up to the point when i was asked the dreadful question, but i do remember how uneasy i felt. "What is the dreadful question?" one asks. Here it is:

"How many siblings do you have?"

This question wasnt so dreaful a few years ago. I was able to give one straight, truthful answer. "I have one brother." There would be no confusion, no puzzlement, no nore questions. But that's not the case now.

I have 2 options.

1) Say I'm and only child and deny all accusations of "didnt you have a brother?"

2) Say i HAD a brother, and suffer having to explain an uncomfortable ordeal.

What do i do? What am i SUPPOSE to do? For me there's guilt involved in both options. Option number one makes me guilty becuase i would be denying i ever had a brother. Option number two makes me feel guilty for creating awkward tension. Most of the time i chose option one. Sorry bro, but it usually leads to fewer questions.

During this week however, option number one did NOT lead to fewer questions. Both groups of people i chose this option on shot me shady looks of disbelief. "Didnt you have a brother?"

darn...

I'm not even sure where i'm going with this post. i feel so blaaah.

no zzz's for me

I am awake at this deathly hour because, once again, i cannot sleep.

I'd like to blame my insomnia on stress but stress is such a tireing excuse lately. Whos not stressed? Please come forth and allow me to stick a shiny badge one your forehead because you certainly deserve it. I mean, anyone who has an uncanny ability to not stress out deserves some kind of award. Frankly, I've met none.

So what is this exactly? It's not like i have right to say I'm more stressed than anyone else. Its not like im the worlds largest failure. I dont rise above or sink beneath or do anything out of the ordinary to impose pain and suffereing or predictable future destruction upon myself.

Last night, i went to bed exhausted, only to find myself still wide awake 3 hours later. The rest of the night was spent in the gray area between "fully asleep" and "not asleep at all". I then woke up at about 5 am (if you call snapping out of the gray area "waking up" at all) and laid staring up at the ceiling until my alarm clock rang about 2 hours later. It was VERY frustrating.

MAYBE, i was anticipating todays visit from darius. But honestly, i didnt think about it until second period when i was getting somewhat "high" off the fumes of that sickening ammonium. REally....that smell is SICK. bleh

beginnings

oooo.....a start of something new. That was going to be my first theme of this new school year until i figured i should relate the theme to something tangible. i was sipping POM tea, which is marvelous by the way, and i thought, "why not?". POM tea...Promises Of More : Two Each All. This doesnt make sense to those who only give this theme a singular glance and think nothing of it. Then again, these themes should only mean much to me anyways.

So what do i mean Promises Of More: Two Each All? Well firstly, this year could very potentially be the last year that little rings of friendship would be this closely bonded. Surely we would want to spend this last year carefully in bigger quantity and quality. So promises of more means this year, im expecting a lot. Not only with friends tho. But, God-wise, emotionally-wise, stress-wise, parentals-wise and oh yes, relationship-wise. Thats where two comes in. Relationship. There are so many relationships i could list if i were to be asked on demand: God, friends, cousins, BOYS. And theres when the each kicks in. Where do i stand in everything including relationships? where does each and every individual stand in any relationship? Which brings me to the last part. How will all of this matter in the end?

If any of that didnt make sense, dont blame yourself. It only how i see this theme. It's also now what i think of when i carfully drink in nice, cool and refreshing pomegranite hibiscus green tea.

I wonder what others think of when they see Promises Of More: Two Each All?