Beauty in The Breakdown

Mood: sudden panic

My weekend:
*Dinner parties
*Back rubs
*Burger, fries and fizzy drinks
*Chocolate covered strawberries
*Cadbury eggs
*Scary movies
*friends
*math and mechanics
*Strolling
*Greasy and delicious pizza
*Tokyo lifestyle
*frou frou: let go "love me if you dare"
*Spending it with Darius, the coolest most amazing person

This past Wednesday, I wandered into UTC and bought udon noodles. There was an hour to kill before i had to meet up with someone. I sat in the student center and recorded this down in my math notes:

Three brothers sit to the right of me in the student center. Little do they know the girl in the denim jacket quietly sipping her udon noodles is eavesdropping in on their conversation.

I am Harriet the Spy.

Somehow, listening to them talk makes me feel a sense of disconnection. They guy with the hoodie is me. The guy with the glasses and button up shirt is Helen and the guy sitting directly across from both of them is pastor Dalon or Aunt Eva or someone with some leadership responsibility.

And now here i am, private anonymous observer. They probably know I'm observing them and I'm bettering they are purposely cranking up the volume a notch in their voices. I feel them converting me: a believer already and i wonder why we as Christians will never fit in.

These guys will soon get up and leave with a sense of higher enlightenment with the world obliviously mulling around them. They will leave me here with a sense of un-fulfillment and confusion.

They will only brush off the ridicule of what would most likely be if it weren't ME sitting here. I should be hoodie boy, stepping up for my beliefs rather than just being lukewarm and unpleasant. What am i waiting for?

The week of intense torture approaches. I hate the looming feeling of finals just around the corner.

Peace on earth.