Mood: alone
Sometimes, a inexplicable feeling unsuspectingly creeps over me. It happened today when i was at a barbecue with my friends and Darius. Then, it happened again when i got back to my apartment with Darius. And yet again it happened when i called Darius after a while of waiting.
And what feeling is this?
Lonliness.
Or more accurately the feeling of being alone. For yes, there is a big difference between feeling lonely and feeling alone. Feeling lonely is nostalgic, something an elderly person would experience. It is bitter and sweet at the same time. But feeling alone is crude and mean. It eats away and clings onto any chance of hope and happiness. It's also a selfish bitch because it'll slap you in the face at the most inopportune moments.
This is what I've been feeling recently. Even amidst all my friends and all the people i love, i can't help feeling that weird gnawing at the edge of my mind.
Maybe the end of a nice weekend spurred these feelings or maybe the departure of Darius did. But whatever it is, I'm waiting for the day i can bitch slap this feeling right back to the shittiest armpit hole it came from.
1 comment:
I cry my eyeballs out every time Michael leaves or I have to go. You are not alone in the over-powering feelings of loneliness, my friend.
And call if you need something. For reals. We don't get to talk very much anymore and I miss that (: Don't forget your H-Bomb!
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