Rain

Mood: Gloomy

Lately I've been feeling kinda gloomy.  I've been trying to reflect on why this might be...

Firstly, I've been staying at work for an average of 10 hours daily.  Weirdly enough, it doesn't feel long because every moment is spent running around or grading or staring at my laptop or interacting with people.  Last Thursday, I came into work at my usual 7:30am time, taught and tutored, sat in meetings, then stayed late into the night to watch and grade my juniors as they gave their presentation of learning to the mentors from their internships and finally returned home at around 8:30pm.  This all sums up to 13 hours at school!!!!! I was so cranky the next day.  My poor kids.  I'm having a late night tomorrow too and I'm not looking forward to it.  

I absolutely looove my first period freshmen and my 3rd period Juniors and I (think! hope??!) they like me too.  But somehow, I can't maintain a comfortable and positive relationship with my second period freshmen. You know how everything is going well except for one little thing but the only thing that has your entire attention is that one things? Well that's second period for me. It's probably them, but it also has to be me too.  I like each kid individually on their own but as a class they're always so unfocused and uninterested.  This makes me so mad! Anyways, the fact that I'm faced with seeing them every day, when I quite frankly at this point don't want to, is starting take a toll on my attitude towards work.  Monday was really hard this week.  I was extremely tempted to take that day off (I haven't done that all year!!) but somehow I still dragged my sorry self out of bed.

Side note: Darius keeps telling me to take a day off and I really want to but I get unfounded anxiety when I think about being away from work.  When I was still going through BTSA (an unreasonably grueling two year process for clearing credentials that is the bane of all teachers' existence) my BTSA provider/mentor said that my homework was to take a day off from work.  The idea is that sick days are not only meant for physical sickness but also for mental and emotional sickness.  If I'm mentally or emotionally burnt out, it's bad for me and it's bad for kids.  So really days off should not make me feel guilty but should make me feel good because it benefits the greater cause. I found this idea hard to apply then and I still find it hard now. Definitely something for me to work on.

Whenever I mention wedding planning, I always get this look of "you must be busy."  What I've come to discover is that I'm not a huge fan of wedding planning and that yes it's busy but what is really is, is stressful. I don't believe it's stressful because of the planning part but because of the tension generated between the people involved including but not limited to me, my fiance, my parents, and his parents.  I keep telling myself enjoy the process!!! but omg...I really just want it to be over.


BTW special shout out to my soul sista! Her blog posts have encouraged me to come out of blogging hibernation and to be more useful with my time.  <3 p="">


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